His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
