I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
