I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize