the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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