Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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