my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i will never coherently bang her
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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