you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
