And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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