so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
