The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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