I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize