So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
