When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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