he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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