just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
