Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
