too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize