Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
