**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
