I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize