have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
