New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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