you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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