I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So much rum. So many feels.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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