Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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