Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
