you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
