Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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