i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
