I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
