you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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