Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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