Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
