All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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