chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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