hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize