You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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