could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize