We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
