I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize