I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
