Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
