Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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