pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
