Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
