I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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