Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
