Whatcha textin bout Willis?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
