Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
