This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
