I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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