my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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