I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
