I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
