I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
