my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My breasts were aching with rage.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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