if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
