seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
