I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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