My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
