I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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