If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
