Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh god it's open bar.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
