OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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