i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
