Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
