Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
