You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
