I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
