You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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