Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
