peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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