all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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